My New Routine...

Update!  We are right at the beginning of a pandemic.

Life is SOOO very different for me now.  Well, "La-di-da," you say.  You have no idea.  But here it is, almost 10 months since my "I got your back hubby" passed away.  He was my buffer from the world, people.  Let that sink in.  There is no more buffer!  No more tempering my emotions with, "Its going to be ok, babe."  Those days are over.  Its "you're on your own"...but looking around, looks like everyone is on their own.

Extra note:  That's sad because everyone needs to have someone that's always there for them.  For me, it was my husband, Ralph (also my best friend) and my best girl friend, Dee Dee.  They died  within five months of each other.  I am still reeling.  Some days more than others.  Unless you're partnered with someone, this is probably the worse time to be single (alone).  Thank God for friendships.

I will not rant and rave about politics and what got us here.  Regardless of what you think or thought it was, we are all in the same boat.

My whole purpose of writing today is to express how the mixture of fear, anxiety and adrenaline has manifested into my new routine.

I am currently without wheels.  My car is being worked on.  Not a good time when you consider that regardless of the time change (which I deplore) we are all on the same schedule now.   For some reason we are not completely shut down so there's plenty activity going on on the outside.

I normally shut down for Lent.  I like to take time to reflect, meditate, focus on where I've been and where I'm going.

This Lent is very different.

The obvious one...Ralph is not here.  There is semi chaos going on in the outside world.  I say semi because I'm just describing what I have witnessed via grocery shopping.  The other is just from reading because this year due to the Coronavirus (Covid19) pandemic most states and cities are shutting down.  I can still feel the chaos going on in politics.  Smh  So I decided very early to hunker down.  I have self quarantined. I began my provision shopping early and carefully.  I'm good, I think, until I discover, I am out of COFFEE!.(Not so good after all...)

I have some of the best neighbors and friends.  They will drop whatever when I'm in need.  They're just like Ralph (Reflection:  Wow! Still looking after me.).  Today was different.  Everyone was tied up.  I would have to venture out myself.  Finally, I found someone.  My brother-in-law would be my guide.  (If I sound like I'm on a reconnaissance activity, its because it felt like one.)

My routine now:

I chose not to bathe (I bathed last night.).  I dressed comfortably, no jewelry, no makeup, packed extra plastic gloves, grocery list, grocery bags and my lotto slips (I'm Texan).  Knobby honked the car horn and I checked for intruders through the cameras before I opened the garage door.  I rushed out and made sure the door shut securely.

First store:  H.E.B.  Its 1:30 p.m. and there's a line about 100 feet outside waiting to get in.  We go off to Walmart.  No line at Walmart but everyone is walking around suspiciously.  I begin to get nervous.  This is not my store.  I can't and don't know where anything is.  We split up and plan a rendezvous at the cash register.  The timing is perfect.  We check out.  We have made it out with no casualties.  Or have we?

The garage door is still  secure when we arrive.  I quickly get off enter the code and we quickly close the steel door behind us.  We split our groceries. As instructed, we wipe them clean.  I make sure my brother-in-law exits safely.  Time to get to work.

As the door closes, I spray the garage with Lysol.  I enter through the laundry room, remove all my clothes and place in the wash.  I start the wash, spray the laundry room and make a dash for the bathroom where a nice shower with hot running water will wash away the nervousness I arrived with and whatever corona bug I may have touched base with. (God forbid.)

I take a long hot shower, gargling hot water intermittently and scrub.  It felt so Soylent Green.

I dressed in my comfy bata. I feel better but weak and exhausted from the ordeal.  I  don't think I want to do this again, although, I remind myself I have a prescription that's going to be ready soon.

This, this on the edge anxiety is not for me.  I look around, Peggy Sue by my side, everything, for just an instant, is OK.  Then I realize...I'm out of Lysol!!